Thursday, October 29, 2009

Happy Pre-Halloween


We skipped the hosting of the sometimes-annual BYOP shindig this year, but we couldn't skip pumpkin carving altogether. As usual, Chad's is super-arty, masterfully crafted and generally cooler than mine. I'm just the weensiest bit bitter and jealous about his mad jack-o-lantern skills. Love his ode to Dia de los Muertos. I was feeling lazy and did the bedazzled cat face.



And here's our spider-friend. I call him Hector.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

No BYOP This Year. Come to a Show Instead!


Sadly, the recent break-in at our house was the final nail in the coffin of this year's BYOP party. Chad and I decided not to host our sometimes-annual pumpkin carving party this year. We're both tired and over-scheduled. Life has thrown too many curveballs of late.


However, if you want to share in some Halloween fun with me, I'll be in two dinner mystery shows for Halloween. Both shows are open to the public. Costumes are encouraged as you will be attending Victoria Van dor Voort's (that's my character's) annual Halloween party in the year of 1929. When rumors start circulating the party of a little dip in the stock market, the accountant better watch his back! (October 29, 1929 -- google it if you need a little perspective.)

Friday, October 30, 2009

ONLY $50 PER PERSON!
(Includes tax/gratuity for dinner, the show and a fun costume contest with prizes!)

DAVE & BUSTERS
9333 RESEARCH BLVD #A600
512-346-8015 FOR RESERVATIONS

&

Saturday October 31, 2009
ONLY $33.50 PER PERSON!

(Not including tax/gratuity for dinner and the show.)

Spaghetti Warehouse
117 W 4th St. Austin, TX
512-825-1253 FOR RESERVATIONS



The Show Must Go On. Twice.


Late Friday night I canceled a movie date, because I felt queasy. Just after midnight, the misery began. Repeated mass exodus of all nutrients out of my body occurred approximately every 45 minutes. By 7:00 AM Saturday I was convinced I was dying, and had almost convinced Chad of my imminent demise. Spoiler Alert: I survived, but still don't have much of an appetite. By 9:00 AM, I drank a Diet Coke, and kept it down/in.

During the violent bouts of dry-heaving, I burst little blood vessels all over my face, and had smatterings of blood-red freckles all over my face. I did not feel pretty - not at all. I could barely stand long enough in the shower to wash my hair without feeling faint and weak. I had to rest for a few moments before mustering the energy to blow-dry my hair.

Then I got to go to Dave & Buster's and perform TWO three-act dinner mystery shows back-to-back for 270 Chi-Omega sisters and their parents. Four hours of delivering lines at the top of my lungs, in constant motion in five-inch heels, wearing a floor-length, jewel-encrusted evening gown that probably weighs in at five pounds. It's called devotion to the craft. (That, and having an understudy who no one likes anymore.)

That which doesn't kill me can only make me feel stronger... or leave me exhausted for five days trying to recover. I'm still so tired.

No, I don't know where I got it if it was food poisoning. If it was a stomach bug, then Chad has an amazing immune system, because he hasn't gotten it. No, I'm POSITIVE that I'm not pregnant.

Saturday, October 03, 2009

We Were Robbed. It Sucks.


Friday I came home from an audition to find the front door of our 1952 house ajar with a dusty footprint on the door. I nudged the door open to see our TV gone from its usual spot and the open cabinet door revealing the dusty outline where the Xbox 360 normally resided. Before I assess the rest of the mayhem, I quickly check all the pets. One, two, three cats, all staring at me expectantly. One, large, apparently not-at-all-menacing dog still in her crate, unharmed.

I wedge the front door closed by placing my purse on the floor in front of it, because that door is not closing back into the shattered frame. I call 911, and they ask if the robber is still in my house. Hmm... I didn't even look, this being my first home robbery and all. I brandish my pepper-spray and ask the operator to stay on the line as I check. Nope. Just me and the pets now. The 911 operator tells me to call the non-emergency number, 311. Um, as Kate D. likes to say, that number is for mattresses in the road. I've been robbed! I accept that my stuff being taken, and rifled through and tossed about, is not a true police emergency. I call 311. A different nice operator stays on the line with me as I walk through the house surveying the mess, debris, damage and chaos. The nice operator gives me a case number and says she'll send a crime unit officer over to photograph the shoe print on the front door and dust for other prints.

Then I call Chad and give my standard emergency assessment speech preamble, "I'm safe and the pets are all safe, but..." followed by the non-standard, "we've been robbed. The front door was kicked in, and I can't get it closed now, and I'm a little scared to be in here alone right now." Sweet Chad makes the two-mile commute home in record time, hugs me, hugs the pets, and we start with the phone calls: the insurance company, several handyman services to see who can make it out the soonest to repair the door frame, the 311 police line again to report more stuff missing. We wait for the crime scene unit police officer to show up. She photographs the scene, takes the foot print, tells me she likes the rugs and paint colors in our house. A neighbor runs over and gives the officer the license plate number and description of two suspicious characters who may, or may not, be the robbers.

Finally, Chad and I are left to vacuum and put things away. Every drawer and cabinet (except for the locked file cabinet -- thank God I locked the 200-pound file cabinet!) has been opened and searched. Eww. Strangers touched our stuff.

I am fascinated by the random things taken such as cheap, fake gold jewelry. Yet my jewelry box sat totally intact. My six-year-old iPod which has my full name engraved on the back is gone with its power cord. My limping-along, three-year-old laptop, with its chipped plastic casing, which has four different passwords to access files or even to use the computer at all, is gone along with its power cord. (Thank God I obsessively back up the computer every ten days to an external hard drive, which was hidden and locked up tight.) The serial numbers for all the stolen electronics are on the police stolen merchandise lists now. Not that I have any hope of ever recovering any of it.

My advice to all of you reading this: get a reinforced door frame or door jamb. You can have a steel door (which we do) with three different locks on it (which we do), but if your door frame is old wood (guilty), it can easily be kicked in. Our neighbors who had their door kicked in a few years ago also advocate a security storm door with shatterproof glass-like material and three bolts that jut into the wall when locked.

Yeah, I'll be adding two security storm doors to my birthday wish list.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

The Philosophy of Kenji



Other animals are jerks, unless you need a cuddle session. Then they're still jerks, but jerks that you need, *%$#@!!!

When you need a good cuddle, follow your chosen person or dog around and yell curses loudly at them until they sit still long enough for you to drape yourself over them. Promptly start purring loudly. If that *%$#@$$ moves before you're done cuddling, bite them and yell!

Sinks are super-fun places to hang out. Tubs are okay, but sinks are just the right size. Yell curses loudly if those *%$#@$$es try to turn on the water while you're in there.

You should pace nervously and bat at the shower curtain when people get in the tub and start running water. It's like they're trying to get wet. *%$#@$$es!

Q-tips and shoelaces are the best toys. Only bat or chase every third attempt to play. You don't want playtime to be too easy for the humans, or they won't appreciate it.

That dog who lives here is cool. She doesn't have thumbs, but she's really big. When the revolution happens, you want her on your side.

Catnip, especially organic catnip, is awesome. I can stop any time I want to. What?! What's with that look? %@##&^!

Jump off of the bed if you think you might yack up a hairball. No one wants to sleep in that mess.

Run your paws over the edge of a magazine or book to make loud flapping noises with the pages when you need food or treats.

Show love with a fierceness that is both incredibly endearing and a bit frightening.

Phrases to learn and repeat often:
Nooooo!
Yeah!
Jerks!
Sit down and cuddle now, you self-absorbed *%$#@$$!
I said now, %@##&^!
That's stupid!
You're stupid!
Get me a Q-tip!

Thursday, September 17, 2009

An Open Letter to Birthday Bunny


Dear Birthday Bunny,

Though others doubt your existence, I know you're the real-deal. My husband didn't believe in you, and look what happened on his birthday -- he had to go to his grandpa's funeral. Ever noticed that you can rearrange the letters in funeral to spell "real fun"? Which is weird, because funerals rarely are any fun at all. Despite the circumstances, it was nice to visit with his family, but canceling his birthday celebration and being stuck in a flash flood on I-35 for six hours was not at all fun.

So, for the record, I believe in you, beneficent Birthday Bunny! I offer you a three-week heads-up of what I'd like to find in my birthday basket:


Banana chocolate cupcakes from Delish to share.





Donations to the following charities in my honor:
Capital Area Food Bank
Emancipet
Blue Dog Rescue
Unicef

Most of all, I just want to relax and not do any chores on the day before, day of, and day after, my birthday. Pretty please with carrots on top.

Your ever-faithful fan & friend,
Jenn

Friday, September 04, 2009

Going to "Unfriend" Facebook


About a year ago, I wrote in this blog that I loved Facebook. Scratch that. I no longer enjoy Facebook. It's morphed into an invasive melange of malicious comments and marketing that leaves me feeling pessimistic about the state of humanity.

I don't want to read ugly, nasty, hateful, intolerant comments made by my "friends", or their "friends", or directed at my (real) friends. I already receive plenty of marketing emails. I already see banner ads that may interest me all over the internet. I don't need these things on what should be a polite social networking site. It's not that Facebook in itself is awful. Although there are Facebook privacy policy issues that concern me. It's that some people on Facebook ignore the golden rule (treat others as you would like to be treated), societal norms of polite interaction and any regard to correct spelling, punctuation and grammar.

If you've ever commented on this blog, you may have noticed that I moderate comments. I don't allow nasty comments or marketing spam comments. You want that stuff? Log on to Facebook.

Not One of Us


I had an odd moment last season on the set of Friday Night Lights. Well, actually a few odd moments, but this particular odd moment involved my perceived age. Standing amongst a group of fellow extras while we waited to enter a scene that portrayed high school seniors with their parents at a celebration brunch, I was paired off with a TV-husband and TV-daughter. My TV-daughter was only eight years younger than I am in real life, but whatever, since we would likely be out-of-focus background blurs on the show. A group of the other TV-parents asked me my age. When I replied I was thirty-six, a few people stepped in for a closer inspection, scrutinizing my face and figure. One lady told me that I looked like I was in my twenties. (If only...) I laughed and extolled the virtues of getting proper sleep and wearing sunscreen. More fellow-extras started approaching me and formed a loose semi-circle around me. All of them staring at me. The experience was a bit unnerving. I said a silent prayer that these people not suddenly produce pitch-forks and torches and start dunking me in water to see if I floated or sank with my suspected age-hiding witchcraft.

I shared this anecdote with Chad recently. He wanted to know if the crowd started chanting "not one of us" in zombie monotone. They did not, but I think it was implied.

Friday Night Lights started filming its fourth season this week. I got an email for extra opportunities, and noticed they've raised the minimum age of booster parents from thirty-five to thirty-seven. Fine. See you in five weeks. Five more weeks of getting ample sleep and wearing sunscreen.

I maintain that I could be the mom of a high school student if I had the baby when I was young or if I was one in a long line of newer model step mothers.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Got to Get Paid



Ding-Dong, Death Calling!
An interactive dinner mystery show open to the public.
The cosmetic world has never been the same since Terry Fay began her multi-million dollar cosmetic company. Some call her the “Queen of Cosmetics,” and she is ready to crown a new Grand Exalted Omnipotent Superior Leader. Though the position is far below that of Terry Fay herself, it’s so important that one Terry Fay girl is dying to win.

SATURDAY – September 5, 2009
117 W 4th St, Austin, TX
Dinner & Show – ONLY $33.50!
Performance starts at 8 pm.
Price does not include tax/gratuity.
Reservations required:
(512) 825-1253


Come see me play Bambi Kulakowski: a wide-eyed, feather-brained, cosmetic pusher who believes everyone is (or with a little help, can be) beautiful.

Grrr.


This relentless heat and drought certainly contribute to my current crankiness. I have summer seasonal affective disorder. The sky may be blue, but spend a few minutes baking in my yard (a.k.a. the dustbowl). You'll understand why I'm moving at sloth speed and why any activity requiring me to leave the air-conditioning gives me a headache.

Stupid, bright, shiny, hot heat. Stupid drought.

My birthday is October 8. I want gravel for my birthday --lots and lots of gravel to cover this corner lot of dusty dirt that surrounds our otherwise cute house. Maybe some cacti would be good too, because Austin is turning into a desert. May as well embrace the aesthetic (or lack thereof).